I know I've said it before, but I actually really think I'm ready for a new boy. I have been like thinking about it a lot lately. And I will always love number 12, always. But at the end of the day, we aren't together and we haven't been for a long time. I need to find someone new to care about me. I think I've been alone long enough that I know how to be happy alone, and I am. And I think that being alone isn't the same as being lonely. I'm alone, not lonely. I mean some days I'm lonely, some days we're all lonely right?
Don't answer that. I don't know. I guess I'm tired of being alone. Not because I don't like being alone but because I miss having someone beside me. It probably sounds silly, but like the other night when RD stayed here. I honestly loved having someone next to me. And we made out and cuddled and whatever but we didn't hook up. And I mean we all have needs and it was tough having that kind of self-control but at the end of the day it was just kind of nice having someone who held me all night. And I mean really held me.
I love staying at DK's because I know he's beside me and I feel safe and I can hear him snoring and we have good chats and whatever. But we're friends, we don't hold each other like that. I mean I've woken up to us cuddling before but not in a remotely sexual way. Just in a we're friends and we're drunk and he's being nice because neither of us really want to be alone.
I guess I just am saying that it'd be nice to find a boy to hang out with and just have around sometimes. In all honesty, between the boys and K, I'm pretty good for having male support that are in my life and that are good to me and treat me well. But sometimes I just want someone to be physically near me, there for me. Just to hold me.
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