or is there a point.

I am a born doubter when it comes to life. I think very negatively in a lot of ways. But in other ways, I am very positive. I am a natural believer. I guess a better way to put it is that I want to believe, most of the time I just don't. I want to believe in the good of others and the meaning of life and every day things, but why should I? I mean it's not like I have much of a reason to believe.
Don't get me wrong, there are things that have happened in my life that make me believe in God. And I could try and explain that to you, but I can't. And to be perfectly honest, I don't really want to. I don't want to force my beliefs and disbeliefs down your throat. My relationship with God is MY relationship with Him. It has no bearing on anybody else.
I've also been through many things that have made me doubt his existence. I still question it some days. But other days, I just know. I've had moments where I just prayed to survive and I have. And maybe that is just luck but I choose to believe in a higher power. I'm not overly religious, I don't agree with much of the way the Catholic Church is run and I am not well-versed in any other religions. Perhaps there is one that would suit me better but in my opinion religion is not important. Spirituality is. And maybe that's coming from my Native heritage. Laugh if you want but taking a Native Philosophy course was the best thing I could've ever done. It completely reshaped the way I think about everything and it forced me to see what would be considered completely ridiculous perspectives in a way that actually made sense to me.
I guess I just wonder why we're here sometimes. Why am I here? What's the point of all this? I don't really know if I want to be a teacher or a lawyer or an FBI agent. I don't really think I want to be a parent. So what's the point. I don't know who I want to be. I know more about who I don't want to be than who I do want to be. And I think I could really love teaching because I think it is such a vital part of our world. I think that a highschool teacher has the power to make and break lives. Those students are just trying to find themselves, trying to figure out who they want to be. The ones with so much going on that the 6 hours that they're at school is like 6 hours of heaven despite the fact that they're getting picked on by other kids and are completely overwhelmed by their schoolwork.
I think that I could really love being their safe place. Being the one that understands. The one that supports them, perhaps the only one that's ever supported them. But I don't think I want to stay around here. I'd love to go be a powerful partner in a law firm in New York. Or work in Virginia for the FBI. I just want to do something that makes a difference. Because if I don't, what's the point of all this?