It's been a hell of a week. Today I stopped in Calgary to see number twelve. I know, I know. What the hell was I thinking? I was doing so well, well sort of. I thought that I was beginning to crush on other boys and want other things in my life but if I'm honest, I know that's not the case. I just am tired of missing number twelve every day. I'm tired of always being sad about him. So I tried to do something about it.
Today seeing him was extremely awkward at first. I haven't seen him since the whole disaster bar scenario when I took care of his sister. I don't know I honestly love that kid with my whole heart and that's what's hard. I mean when I don't see him for that long, I can believe that I don't miss him. I can convince myself that I'll be okay without him. But seeing him just took all of that away. It completely destroyed all of the progress I'd made.
When I saw him today it was awkward. We barely spoke and just studied. Eventually we started talking a bit. And then more, and more. And then I realized that all I wanted was to keeo talking. I had so much to tell him and I wanted to hear everything about what he's been up to. And then he complimented my jeans, the jeans I have worn a thousand times that he usually beaks me about. And then he complimented my hair. And I was just so flustered because I knew it just destroyed everything. He gave me a hug and I wished he'd never let go. We kept talking and getting deeper into conversation even though he had already walked me to the door. And it took everything inside of me to fight back the tears that were burning my eyes. I walked outside and I texted S knowingly regretting what I'd just done. I got into my vehicle and broke down into tears.
No comments:
Post a Comment