funny how a melody sounds just like a memory.

It's funny how we're all searching for something you know. I read an article the other day (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/26/science/26tier.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1) and it talks about how no matter what door we're closing, we don't like to close them. Like the whole theory when one door closes, another one opens type thing. And it talks about knowing that even nothing of value is behind the door or something that isn't beneficial to us is behind it, we still don't want it closed. We don't want to end possibilities. And in fact if you think about it, it makes sense. I mean I never want to burn bridges or have people think less of me because one day, I might need that person. So then what? What about the concept of moving on?
I don't know maybe it's just me. But I know I've never completely closed the door to number twelve. Should I? Maybe. Has he closed it? Maybe. I don't know the answer to either of those questions and to be honest I don't know if anything would change if I did. This whole S situation has really got me thinking, I mean what happens when you love someone but you're just not happy anymore. How do you just say I don't love you anymore? Or is it love.
I feel like no matter what happens to me in this life, number twelve will always have a piece of my heart. And I've come to terms with that. Even if we're never together again, I'll be okay because I know that we loved with a love that was more than love. And I don't want that piece of my heart back because then it won't be worth it. I could have missed the pain, but I'd have missed the dance. (Garth Brooks ladies and gents). But it's true I mean knowing what I know now, I wouldn't take it back. Any of it. Do I wish we weren't where we are now? Sometimes. But I wouldn't change it. Mostly because I can't change it. And it has shaped me into the person I am today. And maybe that is cliché and maybe it's a poor way to look at things, maybe I'm naive. But I'm who I am because of the experiences in my life. The choices I've made that I can't take back, those are the ones that changed me. It's all the things that we're afraid of that make us who we are.
I am twenty years old. Two decades. That's pretty young now-a-days. In my grandparents time, I would be married and reproducing by now. In my parents age I'd be looking to settle down and finishing university. And  yet there's nothing I can think of that I want less than to settle down right now. I'm not ready for marriage or love or children. I am so free right now. I am free to be selfish and self-less and irresponsible and responsible and fun and boring and adventurous and safe. There is nothing tying me down except for my own inhibitions.
And I kinda like it this way. I'm free to find and be me.