Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I'm so mad right now. Not really, but a little bit. I've been talking to number twelve a bit lately and I just hate it because I actually love that kid so damn much. And I'm so thankful for the boys in the last three weeks because they've been so good about doing fun stuff and making me live it up and I totally have. I have seriously had the most incredible life for the last three weeks. I've been happier than I have in over a year. Like I'm just doing so well. But when I sit down after talking to him, I miss him. And I wish I didn't, but somehow, over a year later he's the one I go back to.
Today NB and I went for a drive and she was like straight up, I won't judge you, I just want to know the truth, have you and DK ever done ANYthing? And I was like honestly, no. I love DK and the most we've ever done is hugged and drunk cuddled hahaha. And I was like you know last time I was home (before Christmas break) and we hung out I was worried that I was going to start falling for the kid. I want him to find a nice girl that will treat him well, but I've come to the realization that I don't want to be that girl. I'm not into him like that. I mean don't get me wrong, the kid's a smokeshow. But he has slept with too many girls and it grosses me out. And the way that those boys treat girls in general bothers me. And usually I can laugh it up and chirp them, but seriously those girls just have issues. They don't have the self-confidence to force them to treat them better. (I'll tell you about my story last night after). It's just sad because I would never let someone treat me that way. I love the boys but they're still boys at the end of the day.
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