happy new year.

Well, Happy New Year. I actually had a pretty lame new year's but I'm really okay with it. I always feel like people get their hopes up too high which ultimately ends in disappointment. I didn't have great expectations for last night so it wasn't bad.
I feel like at this time of year everyone starts reminiscing on the past year and all the resolutions they made and didn't follow. They bitch about all the things that went wrong in their year and all the things they don't have. And I'll be perfectly honest, you've read this. 2011 kicked my ass. Up until the last few weeks, I had a hell of a year. But I learned so much and I have grown and changed and found new reasons and new ways to be happy. I forgot how much fun I have doing the little things like going out with friends sober, being the designated driver, making fun of the boys, going out for lunch with the girls.
I had a hell of a year, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Instead of going over all of the bad things, I want to reminisce on how much I learned and loved and the friendships I made and the ones that grew and changed and bettered me and my life.
Today I read old facebook messages from number 12 and I and him and I talked all day. It was so funny because they were from like grade 11 before we started dating and it's so funny. Like just so ridiculous to look back at how we started.
This year, I want to really open myself up to opportunities in the world. I want to be open to trying to things and meeting new people that can teach me new things. At the same time, I want to remember the girl I used to be and devote some of myself to that. The girl that's happy and fun and loves her family and friends more than anything. I've been selfish this year, only it didn't benefit me, so I want to be more self-less. I want to do more, be more. I don't mean it in the let's make a long list of resolutions I'm not going to follow. Instead, I just want to strive to be better, to laugh more, to love more, to indulge in simple pleasures and really love life.
I don't want to force myself to follow a set of strict rules, I want to take in each and every day as it comes and find the beauty in the world. I want to stress less and live it up more. Hell, I'm 20 years old with the world in front of me. There's no time like the present to find the beauty in it and make it mine.