I was kind of bitter to S last night about J. And I know I shouldn't have been but I just feel like, I don't know. I guess there's still a part of me that wants to look J square in the face and say what exactly do you want from me? What is this? Why?
I guess I just don't really understand or know where his head is at. I mean realistically, there's chemistry. It would be silly to say that there isn't. It's clear that we care about one another.
But I think there's a sense of hesitancy on both sides despite a recognition of mutual feelings outside of friendship. I think it's so difficult.
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