I don't know that I needed him to "prove" anything. I definitely feel better on days like this though.
So I asked him if when I drop his stuff off if we could talk for a few minutes because I had a serious (to me) work question. And that's when he called me, almost immediately.
So I said J, it's not imperative right now, just when you have time. He's like nope airport, now's the time.
I said J, what if I was serious the other day. What if I want to be full time and not go back teaching? I haven't said anything about this to anyone. I mean, my dad told me not to be a teacher 6 years ago when I told him that's what I wanted to take in school.
He's like B, selfishly, I love it. I would be happy to have you full time always and you know that. But as your friend I think you need to consider this. I think you need to think about your career over being a server.
I've never heard him say something like that before. I've never heard him really knock someone in the industry with the exception of when a guy was being a prick making fun of him and he's like yeah whatever, that guy probably thinks I'm the host or something. I'll tell him I'll cry later when I'm checking my bank account. And that was a prickish thing to say but he was justified when he said it. He never downplays the industry and I respect that. But it matters to me that he said that.
And I said to him J, if I was full time, I'd eventually want to move up. I don't want to be a server forever. But I'm not sure I want to be a teacher. I definitely don't want to teach elementary again.
He's like well don't make any rash decisions. Think about it over the summer, you'll be back full time, I hope?
I'm like yeah, I'll be back probably 5 days a week. I need to be home 2 days a week to take care of J. He's like NOPE. FULL TIME. Hahaha I'm like I'll take Monday and Tuesdays, you don't even work Tuesdays so it's really only one day for you!
I said okay, I'm still thinking about it but if there's only elementary jobs, I'm not sure I want to be a teacher. I would rather sub and serve.
I appreciate his response more than anything. He said B, you know that you always have a job here. You can have whatever you want, you know that. But I think you need to really think about this and take the summer to make a better decision.
He said that. He said whatever you want, you can have. And that means so much to me. Because if I decide teaching isn't what I want, I have somewhere and someone that supports me, already. I have somewhere that I can grow and develop.
I'm almost in tears thinking about it.
I've never told anybody this. It scares me because I am a judgemental bitch. How can I be university educated with dual degrees and prefer serving, to teaching? What is wrong with me?
It scares me because what if I decided I love the industry more than I love teaching? What if I took the leap of doing something I love even though it's not financially the best thing to do. It's not the type of thing a kid dreams about. It's not the thing you tell your parents you're going to do.
For most people it's how you work through college or how you support your teenage pregnancy. It's not what someone with 2 university degrees that is smart and capable should spend their life doing. And I know, a lot of it is my own insecurity. I'm sure if I told my parents that this is what I want to spend my life doing that they would support me. I mean sure, they'd be disappointed because my potential is far greater but if I loved it and it made me happy, they'd support me. It's my own judgmental, pretentious self that's the problem.
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