Never give up.

I'm getting ready for work and about 20 minutes ago, I sat down on my bed and just looked around. I looked at the pictures attached to my calendar which I have yet to fill out. And I looked at BB's funeral card thing. And the picture of him on it is incredible. On the back, it has a quote from him that says, "Sometimes it the not about standing out and being successful but about making a difference in the lives of those around you.. I think it is your relationships you have with others that make your life worth something". 

I started tearing up a bit. I miss him. And it's silly you know. You don't talk to someone for so long because you know when you see them again it will be exactly like it always was. And then you can't see them anymore. And you go over it in your head, all the things you would have said and all the effort you would have put in to keep in contact with the people that made a difference in your life. 

And I'm sitting here just thinking about how hard of a year it's been. It's only May. JP told me it was going to get better last night. I want to believe her, I do. But it's like some people always have an uphill battle. It's like I have to keep fighting to prove my strength or something. I have to push through obstacle after obstacle. It would be so nice to live. I'm so tired of surviving. 

I'm grateful for my life and all of the things in it but sometimes it'd just be nice to be able to breathe. It would be nice for things to go my way just once.