I want you.

I don't know how some people do it. Like JP, I love that girl so much. She always has a boyfriend and I don't know how she does it. She's beautiful and she deserves it but I just can't imagine never being alone. I really love being alone sometimes. Today I am kind of wishing I had someone. I would love to have someone laying here with me on a Sunday morning not doing anything but enjoying laying together in bed.
I try to be strong most of the time. And most of the time I am more than okay with being completely alone. There are moments though, when all I really want is someone to be next to me. I crave that physical closeness. I think that's the hardest part for me. I am strong enough to be alone emotionally. But physically I need someone. I crave someone to just hold me, someone to be near me, next to me. That's what I want, it's what I need.
I miss Number Twelve sometimes. I miss him because he was my best friend. But I'm okay, I am strong enough to be alone and I have never been this okay without number twelve. I miss the little things like laying next to him or him squeezing me so tight I can barely breathe every time he hugs me. That's what I miss.
I don't want to be with someone. I don't want a relationship or any sort of emotional connection with someone. I'm not strong enough for that, I'm not ready for that. I just want a boy to be with me physically. I don't just mean sexually, I mean physically. I mean I want someone to be next to me. Is that so much to ask? I just want a boy to be near me. There is a comfort that comes from a physical closeness I cannot explain and that is all that I want.