Number twelve couldn't even look at me. It didn't help that he was there. I mean don't get me wrong, I love seeing him but that was really hard. At first I was really thrown off by it but today LG reminded me that he was already upset and that he was trying to be strong (he was the only one who didn't break down while we were there) and looking at me would have been too hard. If he made eye contact, he would have seen how I felt and that would be heartbreaking too. He followed me for communion and he stood 3 feet away from me and we never spoke or made eye contact in two and a half hours. That was difficult.
I have a confession. I stopped at his house today in Calgary. I drove there, stopped, got out and knocked on the door. My heart was racing just pounding, I thought it was going to jump out of my chest and I thought I was going to throw up. He didn't answer, I got in my vehicle and drove around the block. I stopped, got out again and rang the doorbell. He didn't answer.
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