only you will know that part of me.

I am naive and I know it. I am absolutely without a doubt naive and impractical and unrealistic. I believe in things I shouldn't believe in, I genuinely desire an ideal life/world and I without a doubt believe that some day I will reach my distorted perception of reality world of perfection. I'm a dreamer. I think with my heart more often than my head but I feel with my head more often than my heart.
I am very good at convincing people of my strength and my inability to break, my inability to be beaten. Some call it courage, some call it perserverance while others call it stupidity. Despite being given every reason not to believe, I still do. And for the life of me, I cannot explain why. I want to believe in the best of everyone so I convince myself that this time it will be different even though I know that it won't be different. I give out too many chances and I know that it is me that ends up hurt when I do.
Cliche as it may be, I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, or at least I try to. I am very honest and I care about integrity. When I make a mistake, I am more disappointed in myself than everyone else combined. I try to convince myself that other people hold me to a higher standard than they hold others to; and while many people do, I hold myself to the highest standard. I will forgive anybody, except myself. I devote every waking hour to the people I love and I never forget to do things for other people but I often forget to make time for myself.
I find a way to take the blame for things that do not really affect me and I always feel guilty for things that are not my fault. I take responsibility and try to control things that are impossible to control. I desperately cling to hope when deep down I know something or someone is hopeless. I take empathy to a whole new level by taking on the pain of others.
For some reason I feel like I should carry the weight of this world, of all the people I know and all the people I don't. I feel responsible for things I am not responsible for and I have extreme difficulty with letting go. I am great at giving advice because I have the soul of a very old person yet I am often a hypocrite to my own advice. Some people think that I am arrogant and egotistical but my heart is truly in the right place. I'm not afraid to admit that I have flaws I'd just rather not show that side of weakness to anyone else. It's easy to find flaws in myself but I'd never let anyone see that part of me. I get flustered because you put me on a pedastol and you cannot see me for me but that's my fault too because I refuse to show anyone that I am human. I believe that I should be better, good enough but I need to remember that I make mistakes and that's my saving grace.
Keeping the world at arm's length is safe, yet it leads me back to someone I used to be, someone I used to know. And only you will know that part of me.