i mean i'm quite excited to see ts and phlg and antelope hunter and of course number twelve but i'm also like really nervous about antelope hunter and number 12. antelope hunter was better in the last week or so but he seemed quite unimpressed with me last time.. i mean i don't blame him because if we did kiss like i bbm'd my sister then i am just a baaad person. i can't keep doing that to him, poor kid. it was skanky the first time and now it's just mean. i mean really, kiss him and wake up in his best friend's bed. (i just realized how slutty that sounds; which is weird because i am so not like that). but now there like who knows what with number twelve and nothing with antelope hunter except like just loving the kid to death cause he's so funny.
but what do i do about number twelve. like right now even if i was like i'm not going to sleep in his bed, we'd know that was a lie. and if was like yeah he's not going to hug me until i cry, well we know that's a lie too. i just don't know whether i should say anything, like if we should have a conversation about what we are or if i should just let it go because i really don't know what i want. i mean obviously i'm into him but i also know how many things are standing in the way and how awful the timing is. i know i should just let it play out how it's supposed to and i want to do that because what's supposed to happen, will. but i am just so torn as to whether or not i should even gauge where his head's at or just be what we are.
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