i love you tmgs. with my whoooolllleeeee heart!

i cannot believe they are on a 'break'.
remember my previous blog about what to do if said best friend's gf is kissed by another boy.
holy f i never thought i'd see this day.

if only you know my true writing abilities.

oh and apparently i have been assigned more writing for publication.
new questions:
1. What determines the ethical base of society?
2. Is it impossible to be alone in a crowded room?

i'm actually quite excited because i find both of these questions very easy to respond to.

smiling uncontrollably.

he's just so cute. today he was just all about when i would be there tomorrow. like he was like and will phlg be there or do i get to see you first. and just so cute with the simplest what time are you going to be here. plus he was upset he had to wear clothes. haha i think that's the only thing he doesn't like about winter. it's cold meaning he can't walk around in next to nothing or nothing. and he has to have blankets on too. how awful must it be for someone with such a gorgeous body to have to cover up in the winter. actually, if i was that ripped, i'd probably walk around with no clothes on too. and then he tried to make me feel better about the fact that he was going to sleep for me right now and that my life would be better tomorrow even though i have to get up early because i got to see him.

procrastination.

whoever decided that an essay outline was a cool final assignment was seriously wrong. 

not only do i hate essay outlines but it has to include citations. that's garbage, maybe i'm just really smart and make up my own opinions.

sometimes i can't explain and i'm so sorry that i can't.

i've seen your act and i know all the facts;
i'm still in love with who i wish you were.
it ain't hard to see who you are underneath;
i'm still in love with who i wish you were.
i wish you were here.

you know it will always just be me.

i've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch,
a better fuck then any girl you'll ever meet;
sweetie you had me.

tyler hilton.

everytime i think of you, i always catch my breath
i'm still standing here and your miles away
and i wonder why you left me
and there's a storm that's raging through my frozen heart tonight.
i hear your name in certain circles
and it always makes me smile
i spend my time just thinkin about you
and its almost driving me wild.
but it's my heart that's begging down this long distance line tonight;
and i ain't missin' you at all, since you've been gone... away
i ain't missin' you, no matter what i might say.
there's a message in the wires and I am sendin' you a signal tonight
you don't know how desperate i've become
and it looks like i'm loosing' this fight
but it's my heart that's breakin' down this long dusty road of mine
bt I ain't missin' you at all, since you've been gone... away
i aint missin' you at, no matter what my friends say
and there's a message that i'm sendin' out
like a telegraph to your soul, i can't bridge this distance
honey, stop this heartache overload.
i ain't missin' you at all, since you've been gone... away
i ain't missin' you, no matter what my friends say
i ain't missin' you, since you've been gone... away
i ain't missin you, yeah, no matter what your friends say
hey yeah, yeah yeah yeah
i ain't missin you at all, since you've been gone... away
i ain't missin' you, no.

dear itunes, enough with the tyler hilton.

so aside from the fact that the tyler hilton has been dead on each and every time, it's really starting to bother me a bit. i mean tyler knows what he's talking about for sure. but he reminds me of sunshine a little bit. sunshine hates tyler hilton because tswift thought he was such a lovely person she decided to put him in her 'teardrops on my guitar' video. therefore, to sunshine tyler broke taylor's heart and he is a horrible person. sunshine loves tswift more than i do and that;s saying something. we would argue all the time about tyler hilton, i'd purposely put that song on and be like oh i just love tyler hilton. i actually enjoyed arguing with sunshine, thoroughly enjoyed it. and he'd be like no, he broke her heart, he's a douche. and we would argue continuously for quite some time and i always tried to point out that he's actually a really great singer, he has a good voice, good lyrics. i see no problem. and obviously tswift wouldn't put him in her video if he broke her heart. come on, his name is tyler, not drew. geez.

indecision.

i wish i didn't have to be like the most indecisive person in the whole world. i mean good luck to any country i ever run. everytime i finally figure out what i want i like step back and i'm like well but this, this, this, and that could go very, very wrong. and then i am like well is it worth what i want. and then i fall into this contemplation stage that last me like forever. or so long that by the time i reach some sort of conclusion it's basically null and void and doesn't matter anymore.
i wish i could be one of those people that is like i want this, and go for it. just jump in head first and not look back. i could close my eyes and forget all the consequences and just really live. well we all have fairytales right.

interesting. i didn't know there was an 'us'

i just don't know how this is going to work.
like with us?

frustration.

i just wish that for once things could work out the way i'd like, the way i planned.

you are a douchebag.

well isn't it convenient you just happened to leave that out.

i was naive, got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance.

i had so many dreams about you and me
happy endings, now i know;
i'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale.
i'm not the one you sweep off your feet.

stupid girl, i should've known, i should've known.

my mistake,
i didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand.

you'll ask for me.

i am what you see; i am not what they say
but if i turned out to be, could you love me anyway?

why does doing the right thing always feel so bad?

doing the right this takes courage and strength.
and anything that hard is only made more difficult by not having your best friends by your side.
i'm sorry you had to go through it alone.

whatcha say.

dear number twelve,

what would you say if i said i wanted to be with you. i'm not actually saying that because to be honest i don't really know what i want. i just need to know if there's a chance we could ever be something again or if this is just the way it's always going to be. we have changed a lot, both of us. and now i guess i just want to know if it's ever in the stars for us t try it again or if it's just going to be like that feeling you get when you see an old friend, one that you haven't seen in so long that you feel this sense of calm come over you because you know they're okay at the same time as butterflies tickling the inside of your stomach because you are just so happy to see them. 

please tell me if you think i should say something or just let it go. 

on the topic of lethbridge.

i'm actually pretty nervous about thursday. 

i mean i'm quite excited to see ts and phlg and  antelope hunter and of course number twelve but i'm also like really nervous about antelope hunter and number 12. antelope hunter was better in the last week or so but he seemed quite unimpressed with me last time.. i mean i don't blame him because if we did kiss like i bbm'd my sister then i am just a baaad person. i can't keep doing that to him, poor kid. it was skanky the first time and now it's just mean. i mean really, kiss him and wake up in his best friend's bed. (i just realized how slutty that sounds; which is weird because i am so not like that). but now there like who knows what with number twelve and nothing with antelope hunter except like just loving the kid to death cause he's so funny. 

but what do i do about number twelve. like right now even if i was like i'm not going to sleep in his bed, we'd know that was a lie. and if was like yeah he's not going to hug me until i cry, well we know that's a lie too. i just don't know whether i should say anything, like if we should have a conversation about what we are or if i should just let it go because i really don't know what i want. i mean obviously i'm into him but i also know how many things are standing in the way and how awful the timing is. i know i should just let it play out how it's supposed to and i want to do that because what's supposed to happen, will. but i am just so torn as to whether or not i should even gauge where his head's at or just be what we are.

i just need a number twelve hug.

i really don't want to write this paper. 

what i want is to skip today and tomorrow and just have it be thursday.

storytime.

so i woke up at 630 for school and i was like aahhh i so do not want to go to class, i just wanna sleep. so then i decided to just sleep for like 20 minutes and not get a coffee this morning. then i get up and walk into the bathroom and i'm like uh-oh. my lights wouldn't turn on... so i try to turn on the bedroom light, nothing. walk out into the other room(naked i might add) haha and still nothing. so i try to look under my door and still there's no light shining and i was like this is soo weird. so i put on a hoodie and open my door just a crack to peek into the hallway and it's pitch black! i was like oh that's it. it's a sign. i'm going back to bed. and i did.