I don't know what to do.

The whole boss and having my heart thing is tough. It's really starting to get to me.

Show me off.

Both of his brothers called him while we were there in the hour that we were there. He didn't answer when T called first then he's so polite and was like do you mind if I call him back? I'm like no it's fine. Then when we were getting back to the dealership he's like TBM (his other brother) is calling, sorry! Both asked who he was with and T doesn't really know me but he said he was at Chrysler test driving vehicles. I think I've only met him like once or twice. And then TBM (the BM stands for boss man hahah) called and he said I'm just test driving a Jeep with B. I would give ANYthing to hear what TBM had to say about that. I'm sure that TBM isn't going to let that one go but I love that J wasn't ashamed to say he's with me. That type of thing is really important to me. It would probably be easier for both of us if he didn't say something but I am happy he told TBM that.
I think that's something that is probably at the top of my list. I remember the first time I went to Jay's house TBM said something about my scar and I blamed J and J was so open and honest about it. He's like yeah she came over to see Duke.
I want to be with someone who is proud to be with me, someone who wants to tell people he's spending time with me. I never want to be with someone who is ashamed of me.

This.

Silly boy.

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We are so funny.

It's scary to say out loud because it makes it real.

I just want this so unbelievably bad.

Love Jimmy!

"Thank you first dates... or as I like to call you: lying contests".
-Jimmy Fallon

I am dying laughing right now.

I guess thank you pineal gland?

Know what's reaaaalllyyy annoying? When your body is so accustomed to waking up at 6am that you're wide awake Saturday at 6am.

This was pretty thoughtful.

I needed it.

Spent the night just chatting and hanging out. I was on the floor and we just enjoyed. It was nice.

Truth.

"It doesn't take a lot of strength to hang on. It takes a lot of strength to let go."
-J.C. Watts

I see sparks fly whenever you smile.

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world but with you I know it's no good.

I feel like I'm finally ready.

Some days I'd like to know why I'm still single because I'm a fucking catch. As cocky as that sounds seriously I have a lot going for me. I have a full time job and a part time job on top of that. I have two university degrees that I completed at 22 years old. I am a great cook AND baker. I go to the gym regularly (with the exception of the last week and a half but tomorrow that will change). I am funny (probably not as funny as I think I am).
I am smart and fun and old and lame and kind and thoughtful.
I am trying to trust that the right person will come along at the right time but sometimes it's difficult. I feel like everyone else has that companion. And realistically I don't have that much spare time but I would make time. I would make sacrifices to be with someone I loved.
It took me so long to deal with the whole number twelve situation and the other day I actually was sitting there laughing at the idea of getting back together with him because I'm just so far beyond that. It's not what I want and I cannot believe I thought I did for so long. I want to be with someone new now. I want to feel those things again. I want to fall in love again.

Obsessed.

I am absolutely obsessed with Emma Watson's speech about gender equality to the United Nations. #heforshe

I thought I posted this conversation ages ago.

This is from when I went to Jasper and 5 days was the longest I hadn't seen him in months. In fact, I still think 5 days is the longest I haven't seen him in months. Last week I guess I saw him Saturday then Thursday. It's hard to not see him as much which is I think why I was so happy when he asked me to stay the other night because I'm never around anymore.
These are the ridiculous jokes we make but other days we have thoughtful conversations. That's what I want. Someone to challenge me that can also make me laugh.

JPB.

He melts my heart. On Thursday I went to do more work and have a glass of wine. I ended up staying for dinner and J brought my food out on a special plate and put a napkin on my lap. What a darling. Then he discounted my entire bill including my wine which they never do. On Friday at one point he looked at me and said, thank you for being you. As I was getting ready to leave and I said can I just go home and he's like can you just stay awhile? You're never here anymore. I thought that was pretty endearing.
Last night he went and met my dad when dad and brit came in. He knew I wasn't feeling well so shortly after they left he looked at me and said, "do you have any tables?" I said nope. He said okay go home. It was nice that he let me home and come back instead of staying the whole time.
I honestly just things to progress. I want him, so badly. I'm trying to trust life right now and time.

I just love him haha.

I'm 75 at heart really.

He didn't believe I was sick despite my chloreseptic, halls, oil of oregano, water, and hot lemon water. But he let me go home and come back to close instead of staying the whole time so that was nice.

Just call me Mrs. M. Mah.

I'm currently sitting in my bed drinking hot lemon water. Oh how life has changed.