Frustration.

What's an even bigger piss off is when I texted him so say sorry he says, no problem. Like he knows I very rarely have a bad day but when I do just fuck right off.
He's smart enough to know that but I'm a little disappointed he didn't ask if I'm okay.
Realistically, I'm overwhelmed. I'm exhausted and overworked and underpaid. I was in a bad mood from the second I saw my section tonight. I wanted dining room. All these bitches had like reservations and such. And I mean I can't complain I ended up doing well but I'm still pissed off.
I HATE the section I had tonight. It sucks because if we're slow, it's slow. If we're busy that section gets fucking worked so it has to be someone strong and of course, that someone has been me like 4 times this week.
And whatever I get it I don't close so I have to deal with my section but it's just annoying sometimes. I am overwhelmed with school and work and applying for jobs and life. There is just so much going on. Honestly, I miss Duke. I'm frustrated with the J situation.
The hardest part is that it's all in my head. I honestly don't know what J wants from me and I am so mad at myself for letting myself even consider going there again. I hate it. I hate that I let other people give me hope. I hate that he doesn't thoughtful things for me. I hate the entire situation. I hate that T told me to take him to Galapagos. I hate so much of the situation. I wish he would just stop. If there was nothing ever, no potential, I wish he would just completely leave me alone.
I'm just miserable.
I feel alone today. And frustrated. And I hate so much that I feel this way. I feel needy. I want someone to care. I'm being such a bitch lately. I've been talking to number 12 lately and I don't even want anything romantic with him but I like that he wants to talk to me. I am such an immature bitch in the sense that I want male attention. I'm craving it right now in a terrible way. I just have days where I get so tired of being alone. I want someone to be here when I get home. I want to build a life with someone. Unfortunately, I want to build a life with J. And I hate that I do. As crazy as he drives me, I want to build a life with him. I think. Maybe. I don't know to be honest. He's ridiculous and metrosexual and absolutely nothing like the type of man I pictured myself with but he makes me laugh and he has so many of the qualities on the checklist and he cares.
I get frustrated sometimes because I am much too much inside my own head to even function in real life. That is probably my biggest problem in the world.