Like when wish you could read your favorite book again for the first time.

You know, it's funny how much your heart can impact you. How much it can affect you.
I love number 12 and I probably always will. But I feel more okay after speaking to him the last few weeks and knowing how he is but not longing for him than I have in a very long time.
Sometimes I wonder if it's really him that I want to be with or if I just don't want to start over with someone else. I think that's the hardest part of relationships. You let somebody in and they learn about you and you learn about them and you because a part of one another's families. And then you break up and you have to start all over.
I think that's why I've been so apprehensive to move on completely. I am partially afraid to open up to someone again and partially I'm just not sure I want to go through all of that again. At least, I didn't think I wanted to.
Now, I think I'm approaching readiness. I want to learn to be with someone else. I want to be in love again. I want to feel the butterflies and the silent safety and security that stops me in my tracks. I want to fall in love again.