I started reading back over things I wrote about him four years ago. I don't know why exactly. Maybe to torture myself. Maybe to see that I am not the same person I was four years ago and neither is he. I think that's what is difficult for me. I always find myself reminiscing on what we used to be and how I used to feel.
Don't get me wrong, I miss him every day. But I'm okay. I haven't been this okay in a long time. I was pretty close to messaging him the other day and I'm glad that I didn't because I need to be strong on my own. I need to learn to be okay without him because every time things have gotten really hard in the last three years and I've felt like I'm going to break, I call him. And when I call him everything is okay but I relapse. Every single time.
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