always love, hate will get you every time.

I feel like I should cry or be upset or something. When I first got it, my heart hurt and I don't mean metaphorically. I mean my chest contracted and I felt like I was having a heart attack. And now I just don't know what to feel. I don't know how to feel. Where am I supposed to put this? After five years what do I do with it.
I can't even construct a reply to him. I wouldn't even know what to say.
There's a part of me that wishes to say this, "there will come a time in your life when you realize that you made a mistake. You will realize that there are more important things than money. You will realize that you made a mistake when you chose money over our relationship. On that day, I will still be loving you. On that day, you will still possess the truest part of my heart and soul. But on that day, I may not be available for you. And on that day, you might realize it's too late. But on that day you must follow your heart. I hope that that day comes before it's too late. But if it doesn't, always remember that I forgive you. I forgive you for all the hurt. I'm not mad at you for choosing money over me. It hurt me, but I understand it. I forgive you for following your head instead of your heart. And I forgive you for breaking my heart and taking my soul. I forgive you for being selfish, in fact I wish I was that selfish. Always remember that I love you and I forgive you.