I am torn because he leaves in approximately six months. For two years he leaves. Then what do I do. How do I live for two years like that. Uncertainty is just so scary. I don't know where we stand. I don't know where I want us to stand, at least, not at this point in my life. I know where the end is, but I'm not sure where the paths re-converge. And I just don't want to force this. I honestly believe in us. I have no freaking clue why, but I do. It is honestly so pathetic and ridiculous but somehow, on some level, I always believe in us. I've never fully lost hope, even on the days I've tried hardest to convince myself I have.
The hardest part is just the uncertainty. I don't honestly know where we'd be if we started dating again right now. I don't know if I want that. I miss him, every day. I love him, every second of every day. I don't know if the timing is right and that's what is hard. It's just always there. It's always going to be there.
If there is some sign from the universe, then I need it. I need to know what to do. If anyone in this whole wide world has any possible idea of what to do, I need it.
Maybe I will just wait until Friday and see how I feel.
The sucky part is that I want to talk to him. I hate when we start talking again because I never want to stop. I want to tell him my stories. I want to tell him about my days. I want to know about his days, his school, his life. It's the not-knowing that's hard.
The hardest part is just the uncertainty. I don't honestly know where we'd be if we started dating again right now. I don't know if I want that. I miss him, every day. I love him, every second of every day. I don't know if the timing is right and that's what is hard. It's just always there. It's always going to be there.
If there is some sign from the universe, then I need it. I need to know what to do. If anyone in this whole wide world has any possible idea of what to do, I need it.
Maybe I will just wait until Friday and see how I feel.
The sucky part is that I want to talk to him. I hate when we start talking again because I never want to stop. I want to tell him my stories. I want to tell him about my days. I want to know about his days, his school, his life. It's the not-knowing that's hard.
4 comments:
I wish I had your strength.
It makes me smile that you think I'm strong, thank you. It's funny you see it as strength, I see it as a lack thereof.
Compared to me, I think you are very strong. I'm
In a weird situation where I didn't even date this guy, but become very close and "fooled" around with, and now he said we can't talk, but still wants the "fooling" around part. I'm weak, and can't even say no to him when we are alone. How do you fight the urge to text #12?
Years of practice. It took me a very long time to get there. I learned that it was for my own sanity to not speak to him because I miss him that much. In September, a few days before my birthday my best friend literally screamed at me for 2 hours because she was tired of watching me hurt. And on my birthday, not answering him was the hardest day.
I learned that I had to be strong to see if this was worth waiting for and worth having in my life even in the pain. I had to learn that having him not at all is easier than only having part of him. And it may have taken awhile, but he realized he needed me too.
And I am all for a primarily physical relationship if that's what YOU want. But from the sounds of it, you want more than just the fooling around part. So you have to tell yourself until you believe it that you deserve better than that.You have to convince yourself because it's only you who doesn't think you deserve better. You're worth more. He doesn't deserve any of you.
As hard as it is, you are most likely better without any of him if you can't have all of him. I know that is so much easier said than done but you have to believe it.
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