Tuesday, March 19, 2013

fear.

I am having a bit of a breakdown today. I am feeling incredibly uninspired. I don't know why I am doing this. I don't even know if I want to be a teacher.
I feel so lost. I am so unsure of what I want right now. I am so unsure of what I need. I am weak today. I had a shower just now and put on number twelve's hoodie. It was stupid of me and I shouldn't have. I needed something. I need something. I need something that makes me feel like it's all going to be okay again. Something that makes me believe in the beauty of life, the beauty of love.
Right now I'm breaking. I feel lonely. I feel sad. I feel incredibly uninspired. I feel longing. I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I want in life. I am torn. I am jealous of my sisters for having families but I swore I never wanted that. I am jealous of the people who know exactly what they want. The ones who absolutely love what they're doing. I love learning. I don't know if I love teaching.

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