Just keep swimming.

You know, it's funny. I sometimes feel so far removed from the person I used to be. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, it's just different. I just looked at some old pictures. I thought about the person that I used to be.
I am not the same person at all. I don't have the same friends, and I don't really want to. At this point in my life, the only friend that has really consistently been a significant part of my life is LG. I am not close with anyone else. ME is one of my best friends, but that only goes back since grade 12. HJR is a good friend but we're nowhere near as close as we used to be; physical distance more than emotional/intellectual distance is the biggest factor here.
It's weird. I think back to grade twelve. I honestly thought that sunshine and sofaking and TC and NB and CE would all still be majorly involved in my life at this point, but they aren't. I will always maintain a love for all of them, but it's not the same. I think about Sunshine and pray that he finds the most incredible happiness in life. I think about Sofaking and I really hope he comes to terms with some of his mistakes and one day realizes the consequences of some of his actions but I still want him to find happiness. TC breaks my heart. Every single time I think about him, my heart hurts a little bit because he was supposed to be my best friend forever. I mean he told his girlfriend that he was still going to say 'I love you' to me and she needed to get used to it. I understand what happened to him, I do. And he got what he always wanted: to be like sofaking and sunshine. He chose them over me and they're boys so I get that, but it doesn't make it any easier to think about the fact that I spent nearly every day of grade 12 with him.
CE hurts too. We aren't not friends like the other boys. It's just hard. He's had a hell of a year and I don't blame him for pulling away. It's hard too because his loyalties lie with number twelve and I respect that.
NB leaves me speechless. I don't even know where to start with her. I think we are just different. All of her dreams are coming true and I'm so incredibly happy that she is finally getting everything she's wanted for as long as I can remember even if I'm not a part of it. My dreams are so far from coming true that I don't think it was a possibility for us to remain close. Hers were within reach and mine aren't even visible.
It's weird though, you know, because my dreams are over hills and mountains and valleys, across seas and land and the sky. I know that my dreams are far away. But somehow, I feel like I'm in exactly the right place. One day, they'll come true (I hope). For now, I have to just keep swimming.