frustration.

I should clarify, I'm not actually a homewrecker. In fact, I really hate that term. But it seems like I always fall for boys who have girlfriends. And they always lead me on. It is so frustrating.
The worst part is that BR is like the first boy who's given me butterflies since before number twelve. I usually have such good guts that tell me the truth. And S, pointed out awhile ago that if I'm getting those feelings then, there's a chance something's there and it's not something I can completely ignore.
I was talking to TK about it and it's just so frustrating. She said maybe this experience was to let you know that it's possible for you to feel like that about someone other than number twelve. And she could very well be right. It's just so frustrating that this always happens to me.
It happened repeatedly with sunshine. It happened with sofa king. It's happening now. Like I just don't understand. What do I do that makes me seem like I am 'that girl'?
I used to really not like girls and I was always friends with boys and had few good girlfriends. And then I understood a lot more why girls hated me. Now though, I have lots of girlfriends and I don't really have many guy friends. I wish I was closer with my guy friends but I'm just at a place in my life where I needed girl support. After everything with number twelve I just couldn't be around boys anymore. I needed to rely on girls and I really didn't trust boys.
It really bothers me that PD lives with number twelve. That's like my consistent best guy friend for the last like 6 or 7 years and now he lives with number twelve. That changed everything. I