home.

Is it weird that I connect on such a deep level with characters from a television show? It sounds weird, but in some ways, they ground me. There are two shows that really make me rethink things.
I have been watching Grey's Anatomy from the beginning and in some ways it reminds me of how human we are. That people make mistakes and that there are things out of our control. The things we do today are going to matter and contribute to how we act tomorrow.
I also started watching old episodes of One Tree Hill. I can't explain it but I have made some inexplicable connection with the characters on that show. Maybe it's because one of them is named Brooke Davis and when she marries she becomes Brooke Baker. I don't know something about it resonates with me. I feel grounded when I watch it. It reminds me of the importance of home, of family. Some people might say that home is where you make it, but when you grow up for 18 years in the same place, it's different. There is something about growing up in that place that changes everything. For me, most days I hate it, but sometimes I'm reminded about what I love about it: it's home.
It's where I learned a lot about life and love and living. It's where I learned a lot about the person I don't want to be. I learned about growing up and how hard life can be some days. I learned about the wonderful things life can bring you like my niece and nephew and I learned about the things life will try and take from you like the people you love.
I feel validated because it's okay to love what home gave you but hate it's attempt to hold you back. Sometimes you just have to realize there are bigger and better things out there. I learned a lot there but I've learned a lot more since I left. And maybe that's because I'm growing up and at a different age. I just have seen myself grow and change and in some ways I don't remember the person I used to be. And that's hard sometimes because I was less selfish back then and I sometimes wonder if I was a better person. I want to be a better person. I love my alone time here because I have time to think about who I want to be.