Annoyed. I think that's the best word to describe this. Number twelve text me this morning. And I was just kind of like what the fuck. And I answered him a few hours later and then he answered me right away and I waited another few hours and answered. I am trying to keep him at arms length. Further than that; being arms length is much too close for that boy. I guess I just don't understand. Like at first I wanted to be like since when the fuck do you care how I am or what's new in my life. Like I'm just so pissed off that he has the nerve to ask me the questions he has today after the last few months. It's not okay to treat me like this. Then I realized that not answering him or losing it on him will do no good.
And I'm better than that. If he wants to be a dick that's fine. But I'm better than that. I don't need to be a bitch back because that's not who I am. Yes, I'm hurting but if I treat him how he's treating me then I'm no better than him. And hurting him would not make me feel better and it will not make our situation better.
KB (my roommate) told me to just tell him how wonderful my life is without him. He said that would piss him off more than anything. It would be worse than ignoring him or being a bitch to tell him how wonderful my life is without him even though I don't feel that way.
I guess I'm just trying to understand why now. Why whenever I start to feel back on my feet again does he come back? How does he know that I'm finally doing okay again? I have been praying for this every single day and now I can't figure out why I wanted that. I mean, I love him and at some point in my life, yes I honestly believe we will end up together. But if this is just another attempt to get close to me to destroy my heart again, I don't want it because I am so tired of being broken. I am tired of everything being on his terms.
I just want to be happy again. Content.
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