Jesus take the wheel.

I think I'm finally starting to let number twelve go. Not in the sense that I've stopped loving him or stopped caring about him because I have always will will always do both. I really think I have loved that boy since I met him. I find him mesmorizing. I really love that boy and I would do absolutely anything for him without thinking twice. I've recently come to the conclusion that I just have to trust God. And I know how ridiculous that idea is to some people and some days I think it's ridiculous myself. But after everything I've gone through, I'm still here and I'm stronger than ever. I can only attribute that to a higher power. There are days in my life that I know I've only gotten through because there is a something out there, because somebody up there was looking out for me. Somebody believed in me, somebody protected me. And I've come to the conclusion that if it's meant to be, it will be. And right now I feel like this is the worst anyone has ever felt. That no one has ever hurt like this. But I'd be selfish to actually believe that. The truth is, there's always someone out there who has it worse than you. And on those days that you feel on top of the world, somebody else just had their heart shattered, or had their best friend die, or was beaten by someone they loved and trusted. It has been a hell of a year but I have to trust that I'm going to be okay. I always have been before. And yeah I really want to be with him, but maybe it's just not right for now. Maybe there are other things I need to learn in my life first. I'm a strong person. And for every obstacle I've faced, I've become a better person. I've learned something. I've listened to other stories and I've realized that the phrase "don't judge a book by its cover" is perhaps the most honest, brilliant idea out there. We don't know what someone else has been through, I know that most of the people who know me, who call me their best friend, who I call my best friend have no idea the type of things I've faced in my nineteen years. And some days I'm selfish and I wish that they knew or that they'd feel sorry for me. I don't need it. I don't really want their sympathy, I wouldn't wish that kind of hurt on anybody. But that's just it, who's to say that we really know anything about anybody else? There are things I've never told my family, things I'd like to say to the people who've hurt me, things I'd like to say to people I've hurt. We have have regrets, fears, dreams. These are the things we have to fight for. Learn from those regrets and teach ourselves how to be better. Fight the things and the people and the ideas that we're afraid of. Dream about anything and everything and truly believe in those dreams, especially when life has given us every reason not to believe. There are good people in this world. You're probably a good person and if you aren't only you can change it. You are the only person who can change your situation in this world. You are the only person that you can count on. And if you screw up, it's okay. Everybody screws up, even the people we love. You can be anything in this world. You can do anything. And sometimes it's the simplest things that make the biggest difference. Sometimes, all you need to hear is someone say, "I understand". Happiness is a condition, not a destination. And if we all thought about it that way, we'd probably find it more often. So let it go, forgive, move on, fight for what you want, say what you need to say, dream, believe and always, always love.