maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming.

i feel lost. i think number 12 is done. and i really don't blame him. at the very least, i don't deserve him. i just can't imagine my life without him. you all know my feelings on love and telling someone you love them but i really do love him with my whole heart. i'd do anything for him. and i don't always treat him the way he deserves to be treated and i'm really working on it. but i think he's just over it. i think he wants to move on. and it breaks my heart. i think he's holding on for me though. and i don't want that. i just want a relationship with him and i don't think he's ready for that. and i get that, i respect it. but is he ever going to respect me enough again to be in a relationship. i can wait, i just need to know if i'm waiting for something real or if i'm waiting to get my heart broken. if you wanna break my heart, do it now. my heart really can't be shattered a whole lot more right now, i can't possibly feel that much worse than i already do. so if you can never let this go, if you can never move past it, if you never want to be with me, please, i'm begging you just end it now, but baby don't you break my heart slow.