life makes love look hard.

don't you worry your pretty little mind,
people throw rocks at things that shine.

don`t tell me `cause it hurts.

i am trying to study but i can`t stop staring at him. i know i have to go home soon. and then i can`t lay in his arms and feel okay again. then i have to be strong. and i have to cry alone. and i just am sad i have to go home. i`m sad i have to go back to reality. i`m sad have to go back to real life. i`m sad i can`t stay in this perfect world. this apartment where there`s just us. and we do homework and cuddle and have sex and sleep. i have to go now. we`re going to the mall before i go home. wish me luck.

love me like you used to

when you come back,

love her like you used to.

it`s okay.

and she deserves it.

no use crying over spilled wine.

we went for supper with my daddy last night. it was so good. there`s this pizza place called famouso and it is to die for. we also had two bottles of wine. one of which i spilled half all over number twelve`s favorite new shirt. i feel so bad and of course he knows it was an accident and he isn`t mad. i just feel bad.

i didn`t just stop loving you.

i feel a little bit better. i bawled in his arms for probably a good two hours last night. it was weird though. i found out his parents know and i`m really uncomfortable with that. i don`t want his family to think less of me because i made a mistake one night. and he tried to convince me that they don`t, that they know me and they know i wouldn`t ever intentionally hurt their son. then we talked for soo long just about everything. i don`t know i guess bawling in the arms of the boy you love while he tells you it`s okay is a good way to spend a saturday night.

nobody knows it but me.

i`m dying inside and nobody knows it but me.

help, i need somebody. help, not just anybody.

s, i need your expertise.
he tells me it`s gonna be just fine.
but i don`t know what to do.
i`m so upset. how do i let it go.

tears and rain.

i just wanna stop crying and being upset and i just wanna feel like this isn`t the end of the world. number twelve`s whole family knows i cheated on him. does it get much worse than this

i just wanna feel okay again.

you have knocked me off my feet again,
got me feeling like i`m nothing.

you`re mad i said no aren`t you.

"we can't have some big deep incredible and then ruin it by having sex.``

can't win, can't lose.

i would find the only freaking respectable boy in the whole world.

welcome to my silly life.

"mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood,
miss 'no way it's all good', it didn't slow me down.
mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated"

i love you.

she loves you.
why can't you open your eyes to the possibilities.

boys are so oblivious.

"nice smile, i'm trying to figure out if it's real or fake"?

of course it's real dumbass. get in here now. (i never said it, he should know by now).

the perfect day.

oh perfect. now i feel so guilty. he was gonna go snowboarding today and i told him to go. and now he's here while all his friends went snowboarding. and im like why didn't you go. i would've been perfectly content to stay here all day and do my homework. i mean waking up to him kissing me goodbye and handing me coffee in bed, then going back to sleep for a bit and waking up having pre-made breakfast waiting for me. then study all day, relax, enjoy being here. then have him come home and have supper ready for him when he's back from snowboarding then watching a movie and going to bed and thoroughly catching up on the day's missed activities. that sounds absolutely incredible to me.
but nooo now i have to sit here and feel guilty for him staying here for me. boys are so silly sometimes.

absent-mindedly making me want you.

i'm sitting here in number twelve's apartment doing homework/blogging. and i seriously am crazy about him. every time i look up he just has this huge smile on his face and it's so damn sexy. also, he is super tanned from his trip to dominican and his hair has grown to it's sexy length and i'm trying my best not to jump his bones. it's funny because every so often one of us catches the other one staring and just beaks. he's so cocky and sexy and he sometimes pretends to be oblivious to how sexy he is and it makes me laugh because he knows he is a gorgeous boy.
how does someone with such unattractive habits just epitomize sexy. haha like some of the stuff he does just drives me absolutely insane yet i still am captivated by his presence. like we're doing homework together and i'm still like crazy about him. i love how much effort he's been putting in. boys who care about getting places in life (driven, ambitious, hardworking) are sooo sexy. i want to know a boy is gonna work his ass off to take care of me and give me a great life. he's the one.

fuck you and a fuck her too.

here's the perfect lyrics for sofaking. please feel free to text them to him bahaha it would be the perfect fuck you.

"you'd better be careful what you do, i wouldn't wanna be in your shoes if they ever found you out. you'd better be careful what you say, it never really added up anyway. i've got friends in this town."

lg was like oh man that just gave me shivers it fits so well.

you have my heart.

there is absolutely nothing better than laying in the arms of the boy you love all night. it was a good twelve hours of laying, talking and sleeping. and of course every time someone wakes up a quick kiss.

maybe i've gone back too much lately; when time stood still and i had you.

come back, come back, come back to me like
you would, you would if this was a movie
stand in the rain outside 'til i came out.
come back, come back, come back to me like
you could, you could if you just said you're sorry.
i know that we can work it out somehow;
but if this was a movie you'd be here by now.

this love is ours.

seems like there's always someone who disapproves,
they'll judge it like they know about me and you.
and the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do;
the jury's out, but my choice is you.