calendarization.

new semester always means excessive calendar-ization time. haha that's my word for how i write absolutely everything into a planner and a schedule to try and follow although after about two weeks i'm usually not on schedule. but i'm trying to get a 4.0 this semester so i'm gonna be working hard.

can you say ridiculous?

nine textbooks. i've been to two of five classes and i need nine textbooks.

i miss the girl i used to be.

we miss the things that we don't even know are gone.

nighty-night.

for the first time in a long time i'm going to sleep well tonight. i know things are going to be okay. i feel okay again. i believe again. i love that boy so much and i actualy feel like i can sleep and i'm not afraid. i am exhausted and i'm sick. but it's time to finally let the crappy things go and work on the good things. sex and the city 2 awaits me.

my cd worked.

"i can't believe you're in lethbridge already after sharing a cd like that... maybe you'll have to come get a new rent cheque in calgary or soemthing soon".

sheesh i love her.

this is what my sister just said to me,
"i've decided i'm going to call my ambulance
Ambo, like lamborghini so i sound cooler".
bahahahahahahahah

edgar allan poe

"we loved with a love that was more than love"

hope.

he told me he missed me.

you're fucking perfect to me.

pretty, pretty please don't you ever, ever feel like you're less than fucking perfect.
pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing,
you're fucking perfect to me.

in this moment now, capture it, remember it.

we're driving down the road,
i wonder if you know i'm trying so hard not to get caught up now.
but you're just so cool, run your hands through your hair
absent-mindedly making me want you.

our song.

and i don't know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me head first fearless. and i don't know why but with you i'd dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless.

baby believe in love, just believe in us.

i need you to know you can fall into me.

that my arms are wide open and will always be,

right here waiting, staying strong

come and fall into me.

love will save the day.

i saw number twelve today for the first time in forever. like legitimately almost a month. he is home from his trip and that boy is so damn sexy. he's all tanned and ripped and ugh. i was dying because he even wore his glasses. plus he had the truck = boys that drive trucks are sexy. we went grocery shopping. cute right? yeah we're like the worst ex-boyfriend/girlfriend ever. we do lame things together and i love it. it was hard though, seeing him. i miss him. i'm a pretty big mess about the whole situation. i also talked to sc last night, drunk. smooth. i think he's super sexy but he has this other love interest and i'm nowhere near over number twelve nor do i really want to be with someone other than number twelve. however, sc is a hockey player. not good, but still. and he is so nice. we had a long drawn out chat about his ex and how she cheated on him and how i'm still head over heels in love with number twelve. this is what my life has come down to; talking about number twelve, writing about number twelve, thinking about number twelve, crying about number twelve, pretending i'm okay when really i'm dying without number twelve. it's all about number twelve. i love that boy.

dan scott.

"Sometimes when you're young you think nothing can hurt you. Your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans. Big plans, to find your perfect match, the one who completes you. But as you get older, you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize the plans that you made were simply plans.. Because at the end when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered."

a quote from my old writing.

"The truth is, most of the time love doesn't need words. Love is just love. I think that love is terrifying. Not so much love, more that the someone you love won't love you back. Or that no matter how much you love them and they love you, it might not be enough. Love alone, is never enough".

it's an addiction.

i have been cleaning my room for at least two hours and it's still not clean. also, i have way too much clothes because 3/4 of my wardrobe is full here and half of my clothes are in a different city. oh boy.

it's always gonna be there, isn't it.

look at me talking like i'd actually just sleep with someone i barely know. they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. but really if i'm honest, i don't really want to get over number 12. i don't believe we're over forever. sheesh i wish i could think about someone other than him sometimes.

but seriously, hockey players are sexy.

i've found my new love interest if i can't ever have nuber 12 again. yes i love that boy and miss him every minute of every day. however, i've come to the conclusion that sc is extremely sexy and i think he'd be fun to bang. however, he seems like a nice guy too. weird. he dated a girl for a long time and i'm not really sure where they stand though so i don't wanna enter in on that parade.

all i want for christmas is you

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas

This is all I'm asking for I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is... You

number 12, i need your arms.

like i said, no sleeping anytime soon.