Imagine how much you could love the right one.

I have spent a lot of time reflecting lately. It's really interesting to me to think about how you grow and change as a human being.
I look back a few years. Even a year and a half and think about where I was emotionally as a human. When I got smushy, I needed someone to love me. That dog in many ways saved my life. When I realized that I was loveable, when he loved me so unconditionally, it changed the way I view myself. It wasn't an overnight change, self-love is an ongoing battle for me but I began to make progress. I started to recognize that I could be loved.
I spent so long immersing myself in unrequited love. And it's silly to think or say but I really was the one immersing myself in it. I lost myself in what I thought I wanted. I lost myself in a person who I thought was the one.
I went to his house the other day and it was such a weird and yet empowering experience. I sat there thinking back to the way I used to feel and realized that I wouldn't change a single second of everything I've been through. I wouldn't change a single second of my life with Poland. There was no part of me that wondered, "what if". I sat there and saw all the things I didn't want, all the things Joe Bastianich could never provide for me.
It's so funny how your perspective changes. I was so convinced that he was the one for me. And now, I can't imagine a different life. I can't imagine a world without Poland. Our life together is something so special.
When he says I love you, I say I love you more. He says nope. No way. When I ask how he knows, he says I just do. It's not about what he says though. It's the things he does to show me he loves me. It's the forehead kiss he gives me before he gets up in the morning. Doing the dishes and the laundry when I'm gone. Making me dinner, or sending me lunch to work when I am too busy-- because he knows I won't think about it and forget to eat. It's coming with my crazy family to an amusement park for the day on the busiest day of the year. When the kids say, "uncle P, can you go with me"? And he goes on a ride with them, or plays with them. When he knows I've had a tough week and I need a hug and he shows up with flowers just because he can.
The little things always mean the most. And the way that he demonstrates his love for me every day mean so much more than any word a person could say. The way that he loves me teaches me to love myself.