Love.

My heart stopped beating this morning. I was absolutely terrified. 

I was at work and it was so weird J wasn't there yet but I just assumed he had a meeting or something. He's been sick so at first we were like maybe he slept in. And then T was like okay now it's getting way too late. It's weird he hasn't answered. This isn't like him. And C was like maybe he's just sleeping and his phone is off but it was ringing. So T called him a few times and C did and still nothing. T was like B, do you have keys to his house?!  

Finally, we got ahold of him but I honestly was at the point where I was ready to have a panick attack. I couldn't leave to go see if he was okay. I was just stuck worried beyond belief. All these horrible thoughts were rushing through my head. I mean last week when he was in China we talked quite a bit. It's not like him not to respond. 

I drunkenly told him I love him the other day and a part of me was thinking I'm so grateful I said it, but please don't let anything happen to him. I was really mad at myself about it at first but at the end of the day I'm really not. He should know. I think he does but other times I don't know if he does. He's been so good to me lately. Honestly, checking on me and supportive and reminding me not to be too hard on myself. 

Tonight he said, I think you've lost weight. I was like nope definitely not. I feel like a whale, I've gained weight for sure. And he was like well it doesn't look like it, especially your legs. I was like haha it's my jeans. He's like maybe.. Cranks his entire neck around blatantly staring at my ass and legs. I just appreciate his effort to build me up because he knows I need it.