Today I was really proud of myself. I got up this morning to go to J's to watch the soccer game like we planned. And I texted him to see if he wanted his usual, or if he wanted a warm drink because it was so cold. He never answered. So I got him the usual and assumed he was just sleeping until the last possible minute. I got to his house and all the lights were out so I just figured he was asleep. I was annoyed at this point he didn't set his alarm or he was ignoring it, and my text but I didn't say anything. I waited about 10 minutes then left. I was pretty annoyed because I got up at 6:45 to leave shortly after 7 to be there in time but I wasn't about to wake him up to barge into his house at 8am.
Later, he texted me apologizing profusely that his phone wasn't properly plugged in so it died. He lectured me about not knocking so that Dukey would wake him up. He woke up at 8:15 turned on the lights immediately and rushed out but I was already gone at that point.
I think he expected me to be a whole lot more upset than I was because we made plans and it basically came off like he was ignoring me. I was annoyed but at the same time, I chose to let him sleep because I figured he probably needed it. Sure, I wanted to see him and hang out with Duke but it wasn't the end of the world.
He said, are you okay?
In my head this triggered something for me. Are you okay. Since when has he ever in my life asked me after he's done something silly if I'm okay.
I'm proud of myself for how I handled it. In my head, I was being myself. I was completely overreacting thinking he's ignoring me, he doesn't want me to come over, blah, blah, every reason in the book. I'm not going to knock and wake him up, clearly it's not that important to him that I'm here. Over-analyze, over-analyze, over-analyze.
I know him well enough to know he just wouldn't have told me to come over if he didn't want me there. SK reminded me the other day when we were talking about him that he is the type of person that would just say no if he didn't want to do something. He is very black and white that way. He wouldn't do something because he felt obligated. He just wouldn't do it.
When he was apologizing I told him to relax, he was asleep. It's not the end of the world. I think he was taken aback that I was so level-headed about it. I think both of us are making a more wholehearted effort to just be. We're more forward about spending time together. I was taken aback when he asked me to sit on the couch last week. It's nice, that's all. It's nice to have him in my life.
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