Silly mind, stop thinking.

The wedding was in a lot of ways hard for me. Not simply because of the wedding but because it forced me to accept that my friends are in real life king relationships. Partially that scares me about lg. Partially it scares me because I'm not even remotely close to there. I'm not in a relationship. It's also difficult because there was so many beautiful men there and none of them ever want me. I'm insecure about relationships. And I sometimes wonder if I've held on to number twelve so long because he loves me and I know that he did and I fear that no one else will love me like that. I've never been the girl guys like, I'm extremely insecure about my size and I have never felt "pretty" per se. 

I also know that I am fiercely independent, often to a fault. And I think that scares boys a lot because boys want to be needed, we all do but I was never really good at giving off the "I need you" vibe because I don't know if I really believe I need a man in my life. I would love for one to be there but I find it difficult to believe I won't find happiness without a man. 

It's hard because I love do deeply, so unconditionally but I feel like very few people are like that, especially the unconditional part. I credit and blame my mother for that. She is honestly the best person I know and I hope to one day be half as strong as her, love half as deep as her, and be half as kind as kind as she is.