Yesterday I was talking to JP and she was like, I can't believe number twelve hasn't said anything yet. At all.
And then DVZ and I went for dinner and we were kind of talking and I said I think JP is naive enough to believe that one day he's just going to wake up and everything will click for him. He will just wake up and be like, I love her what have I been thinking.
DVZ was like I'm kind of wondering why he hasn't yet.
I think that's what is so difficult. I don't really understand why. I don't understand how we got here.
DVZ and JP have both told me they think I'll hear from him before the end of the summer, before he leaves I mean. And every time they say that I say I don't know. Mostly, I don't know what to say because if he doesn't it will shatter me. I will be more broken than I thought was possible, more broken than I am now.
I almost feel like I'm grieving the loss of him right now. I gave him my heart and soul and he said nothing, absolutely nothing. And now I don't know what to do.
Everyone says, why don't you just move on. You deserve better. And a million other things. What they don't understand is that I can't just ~move on~. I have been trying to for 3 years. And if you've never felt this way about someone, then I don't think that you can comment on it. My heart stops when I see him. My stomach drops, I'm speechless, I'm nervous when I see him. And then he gives me a hug and it all goes away. I feel more comfortable and more myself than any other time.
So what am I supposed to do?
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