long weekends.

I'm in a weird space. I really struggle with where I'm at in life sometimes. I have had some great times partying lately and I've had a pretty fun summer so far. But tonight it was Canada Day and usually everybody parties so hard. And I really had no desire to party whatsoever. I was pretty tired because I went to lethvegas last night and we didn't drink lots but we were up pretty late. The love of my life (not actually but one of the hottest dudes I know) SS came over and he was so drunk it was hilarious. I actually am extremely attracted to him. After the first time I spoke to him (I don't remember really) he added me on facebook which is weird for me, dudes never add me on facebook, I'm just not that girl. And so he added me then showed up at TK's like an hour later and we just like sat and talked for like 3 hours. I don't know him really well but he seems like a good guy. His girlfriend's name is Bretney. Awful name. Her parents definitely wanted a boy named Bret but ended up with a girl and had to improvise.
Anyways he was there and we kind of flirted. Like he left and he was like it was really great to see you B. And I was like melt melt melt. He closed the door and I was like T, he is sooo sexy. I love him hahahahaha. She's like I know right, and he's a good kisser and I just burst out laughing.
Tonight starte interesting. I got home from LV and went and visited my mouse the ME and I went to DM's house. It was so awkward though because it was the most random group of people ever. Like when I say random I mean random. Half the people I didn't know, and the other half I haven't talked to, or could care less to talk to in the last 4 years.
It was funny however that when I showed up I went to put a few beers in the fridge and I turned around and the pantry was opening and SG and JF came out and I just killed myself laughing and she was just like oh hey B in the most awkward embarrassed voice ever hahahahahahahahahahaha.
Then I went downstairs and AJ was there and I looked at ME and she knew. We stayed for a bit and talked to BS but it was just not that fun because we barely knew anyone.
Normally in that situation I'd just get drunk enough to meet new people but with AJ there, I knew sobriety was key. She hates me, and I get why but I know that she doesn't know most of the story. I know they were told a lot of lies about the sofaking situation. AJ is best friends with KM who is sofaking's girlfriend. I was afraid she'd get drunk or make a comment and I wouldn't know how to respond. If I was sober I could just let it slide off my back but if I'd have drank, I know I would have chirped back and got upset about it.
I mean, I have nightmares about that whole situation sometimes still. There are things I am afraid of that I don't admit to other people. I mean that was a pretty shady situation and I still cannot comprehend how you tell anybody that someone made up a lie about getting assaulted. I never blamed or accused him publicly because I had no proof. But I knew, I know it was him. I always did. And we were close friends. That's not something I wanted to believe. I tried to deny it and I tried to defend him at first and I still struggle because I want to understand. But I will never know, he will never have the balls to explain it to me, or admit it. I don't think anyone would accuse a good friend, someone they care about of something like that. I didn't want to believe it, I still don't want to believe it. But I know in my heart that it's the truth.