I am so torn with the whole number twelve situation. S, HJR and JP are my only friends who really know about it. I appreciate how supportive all of them have been but I'm still terrified. It's nice because in many ways HJR's sitch with BK is very similar. And we can discuss our reservations and really everything about it very openly.
S is pretty supportive because she knows I really love him and she knows how it feels to hurt the one you love most.
JP doesn't really understand it. I don't thinks ever really felt like that about a boy and she's admitted that but she's still pretty supportive because she knows it's still on my mind two years later.
I don't know I am happy with not dating but I wish he would put a little more effort in. When he's drunk he pours his heart out but when he's sober he is much more reserved. I can understand that but it's still hard. I mean the other night when I stayed there he gave me a forehead kiss, sober. And I told him never to do that because that's a sign of love. Only my sister and my daddy give me forehead kisses. They have a certain meaning for me. It means the world to me he did that but I still struggle with our situation. I'm so terrified of falling back into it. I'm terrified of putting my heart out there and having it broken. I'm afraid of getting emotionally involved and having it all shatter again. I just don't know what to do.
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