I wish you could choose who you love. I hate that it is out of my control and that I have no say on the way my heart feels. I spoke to number twelve last night and today. He just got back from Bahamas and I'm so jealous. I missed him actually. It was weird to not talk at all for a week. It's like this horrible yet incredible attraction to each other. I don't just mean physically although I am retardedly attracted to him physically. It's like something pulls us in each others direction, like a magnet. And the closer we get, the stronger it gets. It's easier when I'm at school and so is he because we are 2 hours away. Now we are 2 blocks away. And when the person you love most is that close to you, of course you want to be together.
Last night he told me he thought about inviting me for a sleepover but he was too tired and he knows we wouldn't be able to talk like we do. I love laying in his arms. My whole world feels better and I open up unlike any other time with any other person. I feel more safe than I can explain.
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