elaborate.

So last Friday was an interesting night. I went to ID's birthday with ME. It was really fun at first and we for some reason decided that drinking a case of coors light iced teas was a great idea during beer pong. Then we decided to drink a 26 of vodka but since we didn't have shot glasses we decided to just take swigs. Shortly later the 26 was gone. Then ME disappeared somewhere chatting with TL which was fine but I thought she left and I had no idea where she was.
CE lives really close to ID so I walked across the street to see his Mom, JE. They're going through a pretty rough time right now and I've been spending quite a bit of time there. Anyways I headed over there and drank way too much wine, I don't even remember. I blacked out, and woke up in number twelve's bed. Last thing I remember was the first text from KM and JE telling me to invite number twelve over. She knows a lot of our history. Her ex-husband has stood up for me to number twelve and basically helped me a lot with the situation.
So I woke up Saturday morning thinking, "where the fuck... oh shit". He knew I woke up so he just squeezed me tighter. Neither of us said anything and I went back to sleep for a bit. When I actually woke up, I realized my phone was completely dead so I unplugged his and plugged mine in. He asked me how I was feeling (as I'm sure you could imagine, not well was my answer). I turned over and just kind of layed in his chest like we used to. He kissed my forehead and we ended up having sex again. Then we just kind of layed in his bed until my Momma called me to go to the market. I didn't go but number twelve was hungry so we went upstairs and he made breakfast.
It was really weird. Even though these nights have happened before with us, I wasn't stressed about it like I usually am. I always start over-analyzing what it means, if we're going to get back together, what now. But this time I didn't. He was more of a gentleman than he's ever been to me. I was really thrown off about the whole situation. We just sat in his kitchen and talked for like half an hour then I had to go home and get ready for work.
We spoke later that day and I apologized for being mean the night before because I know I was. We've talked a bit this week. I don't really know we were talking earlier today and he was going to come over but he went to the gym first so we'll see what he says after the gym. I'm supposed to go to a birthday so we'll see if I'm even home when he's done.
I think the hardest part of the situation is that I a) have no idea what I said to him or KM or about KM the other night and b) I have absolutely no idea what I want in life right now. I don't know if I want us to be together or if us being friends really is the best situation for us right now. I've never been so unsure of myself.