it's the simple things.

I've been in sooo much better mood the last few days. I kind of just decided to stop having a pity party for myself. If you see my kate voegele lyrics a few posts down, you'll see I'm just kind of over begging number twelve to love me as much as I love him. I wish he loved me like I love him but he doesn't so why the fuck have I been so worried about convincing him to love me. You know what I have my flaws but I would also give my life for the kid. If he can't see that no one else will ever love him as unconditionally as I do, then that's his loss. I don't want to be with someone that doesn't love me as much as I love them. Because there is someone out there that does love me, that will love me. Everything about me, all the things I hate. I thought that number twelve was that boy. Maybe he is, maybe he will be and maybe he isn't.
I am 19 damn years old. What the hell am I doing sitting at home crying about a silly boy? I love him and he means the world to me, don't get me wrong but I just am not this person. I am not the girl who sits at home and cries because a boy doesn't like her. I have so much more to live for in this life. I'm going to be so much more than that.

I have been going to the gym again and I think that's a huge thing for me. I've realized that in two days I feel better than I have since I worked out in Arizona. Like I just have become one of those people that needs to work out because I feel good. I feel healthy and happy and prettier. I honestly think I get sort of depressed when I don't work out because I just don't feel good. I am tired and unhappy with myself.