the cheesiest thing i've ever said and actually meant it.

her: what do you really want for sure for christmas?

me: number 12.

viscious cycle.

you know, it's funny. i had a really good day yesterday. i thought i was doing better. but each day that gets better is followed by a day when it's worse. it hurts more than i thought it could. and i feel more broken and empty than i thought imaginble.

he's him.

i was never this girl. i never let myself need anybody. i always made fun of girls who acted like their lives were over because they lost a boy. and now, i'm that girl. i feel like my life is over. like i don't know anything. that'd i'd give up anything for him. how does one boy captivate your heart and soul like that?

without you it's hard to survive.

her life was stole, now we'll never know.

love is funny that way.

I figure that if the rest of my life goes downhill from here,
if nothing goes right and I'm stuck on my deathbed wondering
what the high point in my life was, I can be comforted in the fact
that I probably loved you more than anything in the entire world.
that you were my high point.

how did i become this way?

i'm reading old blog posts about number twelve right now. good call b. way to get over that whole bawling excessively thing. i'm pretty sure reading about how and why you fell in love with him is not going to help the situation.

keith.

baby, you're my better half.

i wanna be your everything.

you meant more to me then, than i think you ever knew.

all i know is i love you to much to walk away.

it's funny. i just gave him the key to my world. to my secrets. i'm not scared. i'm not worried. the only thing i think he doesn't know, is how much i really love him.

because i do.

I'm so scared that I will want to love you
forever, and you will want me only
for a few moments in your life.

you're the one thing that i know for sure.

we were talking about life. and he said he hates thinking about the past because it makes him very angry. he makes him angry about the choices he's made. his regrets. everything. and i said everything? he said yes, everything.
what do you do when the only person you're in love with tells you they regret everything? years of friendship, years of being together, all of it. how do you respond. i don't think anyone has hurt like that before. in that moment, my heart shattered. and everything i've ever known broke into pieces. and it's funny you know, i'd still do anything to be with him. i'd give up my life to be with the boy that told me he regrets our everything.

if you're calling 'bout my heart, it's still yours.

because it's a humbling experience to put yourself out there,
give someone your heart, to open up to them and be faced
with a vulnerability that only comes with this sort of statement.
because what is worse than when one you love
forgets to love you back?

i can't help falling in love with you.

i've spent some time with number twelves sister lately. it's really quite nice. i've come to the conclusion that his family is literally incredible. and i'm so jealous, i'm happy for him but i'm jealous. i suppose that they have their issues like all families do but they're strong. i like his sister. nc is really nice and she's chatty and just genuinely a really good person. she loves a boy and he controls her and i worry about it. but i've been doing my best to support her. i like learning more about their family, just little things that boys don't find interesting or important. i feel like the more time i spend with her, the better i understand him. and honestly it just makes me fall even more in love with him.

i lied. i'm in tears right now.

well i think i've broken out of the crying phase. at least for now. now i just don't feel anything. i think it's been two whole days since i've cried. althought just thinking about him makes me almost burst into tears. i'm really not sure what to do anymore.

that's all it takes chuck bass

three words. eight letters. and i'm yours.

Jesus take the wheel.

i'm sorry for the way i've been living my life.
i know i've got to change.

she loves you and she's sorry.

mr. twain

what hurts the most.

antelope hunter's rules of opposite sex interactions.

1) she must be shorter than him
2) she must weigh less than him
3) her hair must be longer than his
4) he must be stronger/more muscular than her.

these make me laugh. generally, i follow them. but really, you can't choose who you love. life would be much easier that way though.