Monday, November 15, 2010
university life.
i wish that when you picked your program and minor that they just gave you a schedule and you had no choice but to take the exact classes they told you to. it would make life so much easier. i mean i like that i can pick what classes and take things that interest me but i am soooo indecisive so it's so frustrating to pick my classes. and partly i am trying to take everything in one semester.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
all i feel is pain.
you didn't have to do it but you did it to say that
you didn't have to do it but you would anyway.
you didn't have to do it but you would anyway.
Friday, November 12, 2010
luke scott.
"does this darkness have a name? this cruelty , this hatred, how did it find us? did it steal into our lives or did we seek out and embrace it? what happened to us? that we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war... hoping for their safe return... but knowing that some will be lost along the way. when did we lose our way? consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. does this darkness have a name? is it your name?"
tennessee williams.
"when so many are lonely as seem to be lonely,
it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."
it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."
lonely.
i'm so scared right now. and i'm really not even sure i have anything to be afraid of. i just don't know what's going on in my life and it scares me so much. and being in the middle of a police investigation and worrying and i just am so ____. i have no words to describe how i feel.
everything out of reach someone bigger brought down to you.
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you.
And everybody believed in you.
again, stolen from s.
Ten How's
How did you get one of your scars?
Physical or emotional? I decided it'd be a great idea to run down a steep hill with my puppy and ate the ground thus destroying my knees.
How did you celebrate your last birthday?
I celebrated for the weekend. I went to cow town and spent two days with number twelve, had a nice supper with my daddy and him. I came home, visited my family, my momma made me supper and then I had a small house party and went to the bar with my friends. Family supper in cow town the next night.
How are you feeling at this moment?
Exhausted. In every way shape and form I am exhausted. I really don't know how to feel.
How did your night go last night?
You mean other than being pulled out of a truck by my hair and offered cocaine? It was just peachy.
How did you do in high school?
Pretty good. I slacked pretty bad, especially in grade 12 but I was an honour student the entire time.
How did you get the shirt you're wearing?
I'm wearing a hoodie from lulu lemon and I bought it just because it is extremely comfortable.
How often do you see your best friend?
Not often enough. I couldn't pick just one but I don't see any of them enough.
How much money did you spend last month?
I don't think anything other than gas, groceries and going out.
How old do you want to be when you get married?
22-25. I'm not really sure that's going to happen though.
How old will you be on your next birthday?
20 and now I'm completely reconsidering changing my answer for the previous question. Sheesh I'm getting old.
SevenWhat's
Your mother's name?
B.
What did you do last weekend?
Studied for three days straight with number twelve. It was perfect.
What is the most important part of your life?
I can't pick just one. My family is important to me, good friends, writing, and especially being myself.
What would you rather be doing?
Laying in number 12's arms.
What's the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
Security. I have to feel safe when he's in my presence. I have to know that I'm going to be okay because he loves me enough to take care of me.
What are you worried about?
I'm not even going to go there, it'll be a long freaking list.
What did you have for breakfast?
I didn't. Nurse at the hospital wouldn't even let me drink my coffee.
Six Have You's
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yep. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Have you ever been out of the country?
Yes I love to travel. I think I've been to nine countries now.
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
You betcha.
Have you even been back stabbed by a friend?
Who hasn't? Experience suggests I try to pick better friends these days.
Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
Nope, maybe it's just me but I find that really weird. Even if he was like six months younger than me I think it would bother me.
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
Probably, I'm kind of a nerd.
Six Who's
Who was the last person you saw?
My sister.
Who was the last person you texted?
I don't know my phone is MIA. Probably number 12 or phlg.
Who was the last person you hung out with?
My daddy and sister.
Who was the last person to call you?
Number twelve.
Who did you last hug?
My daddy.
Who was the last person you said, 'I love you' to?
My sister and daddy when they went to bed.
Five Where's
Where does your best friend live?
Approximately 3 blocks from my daddy's house.
Where did you last go?
The hospital.
Where did you last hang out?
My sister's.
Where do you go to school?
L.A. also known as Lethvegas.
Where is your favorite place to be?
Number twelve's arms. Geographically speaking, North Carolina. Duke University to be specific.
Four Do's/Does
Do you love someone?
Yes, very much.
Do you think anyone likes you?
I'd like to think so yes.
Do you ever wish you were someone else?
No, not really. I mean it would be cool to be a celebrity or a princess for a few days but I'm pretty content with who I am. Or at least, who I used to be.
Does the future scare you?
Honestly, yes. But at the same time, fear ruins everything. I can control what happens in my future to a certain degree, and what I can't isn't really worth stressing. (You have no idea how long it's taken number twelve to teach me to think this way).
Four Why's
Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
She saved me from committing suicide about 7 years ago. And the rest because they love me for me and make me laugh.
Why did you get a facebook account?
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did your parents give you the name you have?
My momma heard my first name somewhere and really liked it. And my middle name is my grandmother on my daddy's side's name.
Why are you doing this survey?
I wanted to distract myself from my own thoughts.
Three If's
If you could have one superpower what would it be?
I really don't know. It'd be nice to be harry potter-esque and be able to fly on a broom and transport via flew powder ad port keys and still be able to fix things with magic. Wow, I'm a nerd.
If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
If you asked me this question yesterday I would have said no. I am who I am because of what I've been through and I'm pretty content with that. Sure there's some things I'd probably have done differently but at the same time I can't so no sense looking back. Right now, I'd like to go back to yesterday and not drink anything so I could remember last night and not be in the middle of this situation.
If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring one thing what would it be?
Number 12.
One Would You Ever
Would you ever go sky diving?
I highly doubt it. I'm not big on that kinda stuff. But I'd go sky diving before I'd go bungee jumping.
One Last Question
Are you happy with your life right now?
Not really, no. Happiness is a condition, not a destination. It is fleeting. and my happiness has definitely taken a vacation.
How did you get one of your scars?
Physical or emotional? I decided it'd be a great idea to run down a steep hill with my puppy and ate the ground thus destroying my knees.
How did you celebrate your last birthday?
I celebrated for the weekend. I went to cow town and spent two days with number twelve, had a nice supper with my daddy and him. I came home, visited my family, my momma made me supper and then I had a small house party and went to the bar with my friends. Family supper in cow town the next night.
How are you feeling at this moment?
Exhausted. In every way shape and form I am exhausted. I really don't know how to feel.
How did your night go last night?
You mean other than being pulled out of a truck by my hair and offered cocaine? It was just peachy.
How did you do in high school?
Pretty good. I slacked pretty bad, especially in grade 12 but I was an honour student the entire time.
How did you get the shirt you're wearing?
I'm wearing a hoodie from lulu lemon and I bought it just because it is extremely comfortable.
How often do you see your best friend?
Not often enough. I couldn't pick just one but I don't see any of them enough.
How much money did you spend last month?
I don't think anything other than gas, groceries and going out.
How old do you want to be when you get married?
22-25. I'm not really sure that's going to happen though.
How old will you be on your next birthday?
20 and now I'm completely reconsidering changing my answer for the previous question. Sheesh I'm getting old.
SevenWhat's
Your mother's name?
B.
What did you do last weekend?
Studied for three days straight with number twelve. It was perfect.
What is the most important part of your life?
I can't pick just one. My family is important to me, good friends, writing, and especially being myself.
What would you rather be doing?
Laying in number 12's arms.
What's the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
Security. I have to feel safe when he's in my presence. I have to know that I'm going to be okay because he loves me enough to take care of me.
What are you worried about?
I'm not even going to go there, it'll be a long freaking list.
What did you have for breakfast?
I didn't. Nurse at the hospital wouldn't even let me drink my coffee.
Six Have You's
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yep. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Have you ever been out of the country?
Yes I love to travel. I think I've been to nine countries now.
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
You betcha.
Have you even been back stabbed by a friend?
Who hasn't? Experience suggests I try to pick better friends these days.
Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
Nope, maybe it's just me but I find that really weird. Even if he was like six months younger than me I think it would bother me.
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
Probably, I'm kind of a nerd.
Six Who's
Who was the last person you saw?
My sister.
Who was the last person you texted?
I don't know my phone is MIA. Probably number 12 or phlg.
Who was the last person you hung out with?
My daddy and sister.
Who was the last person to call you?
Number twelve.
Who did you last hug?
My daddy.
Who was the last person you said, 'I love you' to?
My sister and daddy when they went to bed.
Five Where's
Where does your best friend live?
Approximately 3 blocks from my daddy's house.
Where did you last go?
The hospital.
Where did you last hang out?
My sister's.
Where do you go to school?
L.A. also known as Lethvegas.
Where is your favorite place to be?
Number twelve's arms. Geographically speaking, North Carolina. Duke University to be specific.
Four Do's/Does
Do you love someone?
Yes, very much.
Do you think anyone likes you?
I'd like to think so yes.
Do you ever wish you were someone else?
No, not really. I mean it would be cool to be a celebrity or a princess for a few days but I'm pretty content with who I am. Or at least, who I used to be.
Does the future scare you?
Honestly, yes. But at the same time, fear ruins everything. I can control what happens in my future to a certain degree, and what I can't isn't really worth stressing. (You have no idea how long it's taken number twelve to teach me to think this way).
Four Why's
Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
She saved me from committing suicide about 7 years ago. And the rest because they love me for me and make me laugh.
Why did you get a facebook account?
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did your parents give you the name you have?
My momma heard my first name somewhere and really liked it. And my middle name is my grandmother on my daddy's side's name.
Why are you doing this survey?
I wanted to distract myself from my own thoughts.
Three If's
If you could have one superpower what would it be?
I really don't know. It'd be nice to be harry potter-esque and be able to fly on a broom and transport via flew powder ad port keys and still be able to fix things with magic. Wow, I'm a nerd.
If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
If you asked me this question yesterday I would have said no. I am who I am because of what I've been through and I'm pretty content with that. Sure there's some things I'd probably have done differently but at the same time I can't so no sense looking back. Right now, I'd like to go back to yesterday and not drink anything so I could remember last night and not be in the middle of this situation.
If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring one thing what would it be?
Number 12.
One Would You Ever
Would you ever go sky diving?
I highly doubt it. I'm not big on that kinda stuff. But I'd go sky diving before I'd go bungee jumping.
One Last Question
Are you happy with your life right now?
Not really, no. Happiness is a condition, not a destination. It is fleeting. and my happiness has definitely taken a vacation.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
it'll only take a minute, to tell you everything.
be a best friend, tell the truth and overuse i love you.
go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense.
never let your praying knees get lazy.
and love like crazy.
go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense.
never let your praying knees get lazy.
and love like crazy.
humble.
i now understand how s feels when people tell her they like her blog. i mean i thoroughly enjoy reading her blog but i think it's kind of neat that other people who could be your neighbour or they could be on the opposite side of the world. i really needed to hear that today, that someone likes my blog. it kind of gave me hope after today. so thank you to the anonymous person who told me you enjoy my blog.
a fine mess.
i don't feel anything at all. or maybe i feel everything so deep. i'm not sure what to do right now. i don't know how to feel or what to think or how to function. i can't think straight. i'm shaking. i'm so cold. my hands and feet are like purple because they are so cold. i'm just an absolute mess beyond comprehension.
please come home.
all that i was is for number 12 to come hold me in his arms all night long. i would do anything for a hug from him right now.
terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day
this morning i woke up in a random person's apartment in lower fairview. they told me that last night they saw someone pull me out of a truck by my hair and leave me on the side of the road so they picked me up to make sure i was okay. then they asked me if i wanted to do a line of cocaine.
i then was picked up by my sisters and my phone was missing and proceeded to go to the hospital where i had sexual assualt kit done and spoke with a police officer. i'm now the victim in an ongoing assualt police investigation.
i then was picked up by my sisters and my phone was missing and proceeded to go to the hospital where i had sexual assualt kit done and spoke with a police officer. i'm now the victim in an ongoing assualt police investigation.
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