even from those who don't believe.

he ain't the leaving kind,
he'd never walk away.

i'll wait here forever.

i don't want this moment to ever end;
where everything's nothing without you.

it's true,
i'm nothing without you.

i thought that you were mine.

i don't wanna see you anymore;
i'm just not that strong.

i am damaged at best.

i'm falling apart, i'm barely breathing;
with a broken heart, that's still bleeding.
at the end of pain, there's still healing;
so i'm holding on.

turn it up.

i like the sound of the alarm clock ringing,
means i'll spend another day with you.

it ain't easy being this cool.

invisibly shaken, quietly breaking;
desperately taking one breath at a time.
beneath this compoure, i know its over.
baby i'm dying cause you can't be mine.
but i will never show the toll its taken;
i'm invisibly shaken.

sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

love is fragile and we're not always it's best caretakers. we just muddle through and do the best we can and hope this fragile thing survives against all odds.

i'm not ready to let him go.

a friend told me to be honest with you so here it goes. this isn't what i want but i'll take the high road. maybe it's because i look at everything as a lesson or because i don't wanna walk around angry. or maybe it's because i finally understand.
there are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept. things we don't wanna know but have to learn.
and people we can't live without but have to let go.

love alone is never enough.

do you think two people can really love each other but it's not enough?

i dare you to move.

listening to love songs at a time like this is a terrible idea. i really do think i just put myself through excruciating pain so i don't feel anything at all. i mean staying last night was bad, he doesn't want that and it i were any other girl it would've probably given me hope; for a moment it did. but i know better than that.
love is a lie... or at least i'd like to believe that.

what happens next..?

what happens next is up to you.

what a disaster it would be if you discovered i cared.

if you're always looking for reasons not to be with someone, you'll always find them. maybe you should just let go and give your heart what it deserves.

live with no regrets.

to be perfectly honest, i don't know if i'd take it back. i've told you that before and i'll tell you it again. i know it was wrong, and it was a horrible thing to do but if i didn't do it i would've always wondered. now i know where you stand and that how i feel about you is real. i can't take it back because if i didn't do it i'd have never realized that i'm in love with you.

so if the chain is at your door, i understand.

i'd go back in time and change it, but i can't.

you were the best thing that's ever been mine.

maybe this is wishful thinking,
probably mindless thinking;
if we loved again i swear i'd love you right.

back to august.

so this is me swallowing my pride,
standing in front of you saying i'm sorry for that night.
and i go back to december all the time.
turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
wishing that i realized what i had when you were mine.
i'd go back to december, turn around and make it alright.
i go back to december all the time.

i hate you.

it's funny you know,
i told the truth and i'm sitting here alone and broken.
yet, you're still lying and i bet she's sitting next to you with a smile.

i'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine.

on a more positive note, i have an a+ in my childhood development psych class, an a in addictions counselling and an a- in economics.
woo go me! being a nerd actually paid off!

half past the point of no return.

soooo a girl i went to high school with has been dating a boy for 5 months and they are engaged!!? are you kidding me??? there is no freaking way i would be getting married. if number 12 asked me to marry him right now i wouldn't say yes, i'd say not yet. and that's 2 years relationship, 4 years friendship. like i cannot even believe this right now. she was formerly in love with sunshine, and bm. like oh my gosh! nuts nuts nuts. perhaps if we were talking about dragon and kodiak then maybe marriage at 19 would be somewhat comprehensible. but this, mind boggling. have you ever seen the other guys??? i just got mind fucked.

thanksgiving.

i had a pretty good weekend. massage, fam pictures, hair did, nails did, tattoo!
and i enjoyed 2 turkey dinners.