maybe i'll just flip a coin.

so i was thinking about it. like an open relationship. i remember talking to sunshine about it once like what we think about open relationships and he was like man i think nothing's wrong with them. and i was like what the f no way. open relationships no ew that's just cheating.
and then i thought about the situation i'm in. like an open relationship with number 12, what would that be like. i mean we live only like and hour and a bit away from one another(depending how much you speed and how bad traffic is in cow-town). and then i was thinking about it.. like if it was open then it would be more half open i think. if i were in a relationship, especially with him, i don't think i could do anything with anyone else.
i mean i wouldn't be happy with an open relationship but i think i could deal with it. i couldn't ask him, after everything, to just commit to me when i can't be fully with him. like he's an 18 year old boy in his first year of university. i just don't think that's a fair thing to ask of someone, to be faithful to you when they are just living life.
but in saying that, i don't know if he would ever be okay with it. he knows i'd deal with it, but i don't know if he could do it because he'd know it would bother me a little. i don't know if i'd rather know or not know. and i mean antelope hunter would eventually tell me, like always, so i guess it's more like who would i rather hear it from. but he knows how i feel about that kinda stuff and he stopped anything with every other girl for over 6 months because he knew that i just wasn't into that sort of thing. so it makes me wonder what he'd do now.
especially because when i was talking to him the other day, the night i stayed at phlg's i was like hey can you at least wait until i'm out of lethbridge before you sleep with some other girl. and he's like really. like really you just said that. you know that i'm not like that. and i told him i knew more than he thought i did and that i just like respect the fact he's an 18 year old boy in university and i know we are not really anything right now so it's okay. like he doesn't owe me anything.
i just am so confused. i don't know what i want. yes, i want him. but i don't know if i want to put myself through the whole not being in a real relationship thing. starting a relationship like this. i just don't know if it's all worth it.