i sometimes wish that i didn't over analyze every situation in my life. i sometimes wish that i didn't have to look at every possible angle, every possible outcome, every possible consequence. i wish i didn't second guess myself, and third and fourth and fifth guess too. i just don't know what the outcome of this will be. i feel stronger that i ever have. i feel like i don't need you at all. and i feel like i might have a chance to salvage our friendship. the friendship that people were jealous of, that people tried to ruin on numerous occasions, the friendship that seemed unbreakable. until you made my heart break one too many times.
i'm just not sure that friendship is worth losing him anymore. and i know if you come back, he leaves. i'm scared that i will feel what i used to feel. and i don't want to feel that again. i don't want you in my heart anymore. i want him there. and i just don't know if having you back is worth the chance that i might lose him.
our friendship got me through some pretty dark days, you got me through some pretty dark days. and all along you were like brooke, YOU can do this, you're strong enough, smart enough, amazing enough. you made me believe in myself and i thank you for that. but you broke my heart too. and that led to me breaking his.
i might possibly have a slight chance to salvage what i had with him, and to me it seems like that is more worth it. i don't know what i want yet. and i just don't know how i'll feel if i see you. i don't know if i'm ready to face you yet. i just don't know what to do.
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