will it ever end?

i think it's funny that sunshine always encouraged my writing. he always reminded me how much better it made me feel. although i sometimes wonder if by telling me to write, it meant he didn't have to listen. meh oh well. that's one thing i miss, his encouragment of my dreams, even though he didn't like where they left him. in fact i found the letter he wrote yesterday morning, the one to duke. and it reminded me of when i was studying for my sats and getting everything ready to apply and visiting north carolina to check out the scene. he was really supportive of the whole thing, maybe because since the day i met him, i told him that was where i belonged, maybe because he knew how important it was to me and how badly i wanted it. i remember right around the time i wrote my sats i was a nutcase. i didn't eat or sleep or do anything but stress. and he told me it would all be okay. he believed in me, prayed for me and then reminded me that it was MY dream. and i could make it come true... even though he didn't want me to go because it meant i left him here. and now, i'm almost wishing i had.