i am going to regret this at 6am

so i have a midterm tomorrow.. actually today i guess.. in like 8 and a half hours. and i am having a night of insomnia; yet again. it's okay though, i've been writing. and it was ironic that mr. m asked for some writing tonight 'forgetting' that i sent some a week and a half ago. 

i was reading things i wrote a long time ago. it is weird that i find my writing inspiring? not blog writing, that's just a release for my sanity.. but my actual writing. my extremely informal 'formal' writing. reading over me old writing is kind of crazy because i see moments of such strength and moments of such weakness. but those moments of strength are how i want to feel all the time. they are reminders of how well i know myself and how i need to end this vicious cycle. i think i have. i hope i have. but a part of me still wants him in my life some day. i know it can't be for awhile because if it's anytime soon i will unfortunately fall back into the way it was before but i hope that one day i'll be strong enough to be friends with my so called best friend again.