3+9

seriously. what is your deal. you are so confusing. you have days like last night, where i asked you to do me a favor and you respond with an OF COURSE and tell me you'll talk to your momma today. (whom i really miss by the way) and you say goodnight and are just like you used to be and then today i say hi and you are like uh yeah i'm busy... later. like what the f is that about. i miss you and you know it. i know i hurt you and i apologized i don't know how many times. and maybe now i need you more than you need me(want could very well be a better word) but i just don't understand like if you don't want us to talk or be friends then fine but don't be half friends. don't tell me you really want me to come visit and then treat me like this. i'm so tired of having shitty people in my life. i don't need to be treated like this. and yeah i really do care about you and i always will. i don't deserve this though, and i refuse to put up with another boy treating me this way. i'm better than that. i deserve better than that. and you will not make me feel this way. ever. cause i won't let you. and if you want me to keep my heart, i will. i actually wanted to give it to you this time. being that you gave me yours and i was so careless with it. i wanted you to give me another chance, a real one because i was ready to actually let you into my heart. last time you were there, it was just conflicted and we both knew it. and now that i am actually ready to be completely vulnerable then you just like treat me like shit. i want to know what happened to you. i don't think you changed for me, i think you were just really yourself around me. you said that you felt like you weren't good enough. that was never it. but this you, this version of you that you pretend to be. partying all the time, sleeping with random girl, being a prick... none of that is you. and it makes me wonder if i broke you.