you never know how fleeting that happiness might be.

a very short time ago i said i wish i could cry but i just couldn't. and i assumed that that meant i had no feelings at all, that i'd become numb. i was wrong. i'm not numb i just don't know how to feel about this one thing i can't remember the last time i felt. this feeling is genuine happiness. and i think when you've been unhappy for so long, happiness is such an unsettling feeling. it is such an unknown feeling that i don't really know how to handle it. instead i'm looking for ways that i'm not happy, i'm just waiting for something to sabotage that happiness. it's kind of sad when you have been so unhappy for so long, so miserable for so long that you can't recognize happiness; that you can't just enjoy that happiness. well i'm happy, i like this feeling and i'm going to just let go and
be happy.