I'm also just being a baby about Court. I haven't really talked to him much since Friday and I'm just being pathetic about it. I guess I just want something new to experience even if it doesn't work out. And I know that's a shitty attitude but I just do. I want to just feel with someone else and experience a relationship that's different.
I think what I've been mulling over about Court is that he's only 22. And as much as he makes me laugh and is kind and intelligent and has a job and is unique and artistic and rides a motorcycle, he's still 22. He still parties like a 22 year old and speaks about women as a 22 year old.
I think that's something I've really learned to value from J. The other day he asked who someone's server was and they said, "the beautiful one". And when she said, oh you obviously knew it was me (she was kidding) he responded, "actually, I had to check the computer because you're all gorgeous". While he doesn't actually think each girl is attractive I'm sure, I value that he was raised to believe that women in general are beautiful and deserve to be treated that way.
I think part of that understanding is being 29 though because I'm sure that wasn't always the case at 18. And I think his weight issues played into his treatment of others.
I don't know I like talking to Court and I just feel like I'm comparing him and J and that's not really fair either because they are such completely different individuals at such completely different places in their life.
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