The last few nights I've struggled to sleep. I know it's silly and I know it's difficult. I was talking to my sister the other night and I told her I'm sad because there is so much changing in my life in the next few months that it'd be really nice to have something stable. While number twelve and I were far from stable, he was always just a phone call or a text away and then I could visit and our conversation and his hug made everything feel like it was going to be okay. He's 1700 miles away. I can't just text him and stop by on my way home.
The hard part is that I know that this is better for us. Seeing him and speaking to him makes all progress I make go backwards. He makes me realize why I fell in love with him in the first place and everything in my life falls apart again because my heart aches for that love. My body yearns for his arms.
I guess I just wonder why people you love so much have to come into your life if you're going to lose them. Sure, I've learned an incredible amount from him and I've learned an incredible amount about myself from our relationship. Interestingly, I've learned a lot about other people and the way they react to certain things. I learned a lot about how different relationships are and how different people are in relationships.
I understand people come into your life because you're supposed to learn something from them. I sometimes just wonder what the point of the incredible pain in my heart is. What is the point of missing somebody every single day? What is this teaching me?
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